OK since I've had it pointed out that most of my posts have been depressing so far I figured I'd write something I look forward to every week.
Alex and I go to a "Daddy and me" class at a local school every Wednesday and it is one of the highlights of my week. This goes from 6:00 pm until 7:30 pm, but before class starts we go and have supper at McDonald's so that Alex can have his nuggets and toy.
During class it's broken into both organized and unorganized activities. first there's a free play where the teacher just opens the toy chests as well as putting out an art project of the week. Generally we forgo the art project because my son doesn't like getting messy or things on his hands so paints and glue drive him nuts, however the wooden trains, and toy trucks are always a great hit, and sometimes even the doll house gets played with. (Unlike some people I've seen I'm absolutely ok with my son playing with dolls.)
After free play we clean up the toys and then have "Circle time" where the teacher leads us in various stories and songs. Alex always enjoys the "tick-tock" song as well as "The Grand Ol' Duke of York."
Circle time leads to snack time, which surprisingly Alex tends to rush through and tries to get over as quick as possible because as soon as all the kids are done with snack time the gym is opened for the last 30 minutes or so where the kids can climb, run, jump and ride the various toys.
Obviously I could do all of these things at home and regularly do have playtime at home, but it's nice to go somewhere, interact with other Dad's and their children, as well as knowing that I have a standing appointment with my son. I've told people I can't do various activities on Wednesday so that I can keep this appointment and help remind myself why I do everything I do.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A pain not my own
Hmm seems like I'm writing about pain a lot recently, odd how things seem to come in groups isn't it?
I recently found out my brother has thyroid cancer. It's been odd dealing with this, and I think it would have honestly been easier if I were the one who had it.
Growing up due to my back problems I mentioned earlier I was always the "sick one" with the limitations imposed and therefore more of a homebody, and Adam was always the out-doorsy rough and tumble sportsman. I'm hoping this won't change due to whatever treatment the doctors determine is needed and that Adam can still go fishing, hunting and stomping around trees as he seems to enjoy.
This has also tested what little remnants of faith that I had left. I've never been the religious type (I was kicked out of religious class for drawing horns on the pope in school) and only go to church because it pleases my wife and may help my son receive something I don't. Adam however is very much into his faith and in a fair world over-seen by a supreme being I'd be the one struck with cancer, unless of course Adam is the reincarnation of Job, which having me as a brother may explain....
Adam doesn't seem to be in much pain, but he also seems to be trying to protect the rest of the family from his fears and concerns by remaining stoic but I have been feeling the fear for him. Hopefully all will work out in the end but it would be easier to deal with if it were myself than watching from the sidelines.
I recently found out my brother has thyroid cancer. It's been odd dealing with this, and I think it would have honestly been easier if I were the one who had it.
Growing up due to my back problems I mentioned earlier I was always the "sick one" with the limitations imposed and therefore more of a homebody, and Adam was always the out-doorsy rough and tumble sportsman. I'm hoping this won't change due to whatever treatment the doctors determine is needed and that Adam can still go fishing, hunting and stomping around trees as he seems to enjoy.
This has also tested what little remnants of faith that I had left. I've never been the religious type (I was kicked out of religious class for drawing horns on the pope in school) and only go to church because it pleases my wife and may help my son receive something I don't. Adam however is very much into his faith and in a fair world over-seen by a supreme being I'd be the one struck with cancer, unless of course Adam is the reincarnation of Job, which having me as a brother may explain....
Adam doesn't seem to be in much pain, but he also seems to be trying to protect the rest of the family from his fears and concerns by remaining stoic but I have been feeling the fear for him. Hopefully all will work out in the end but it would be easier to deal with if it were myself than watching from the sidelines.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Not all wounds show
I'm a few days late, but if you live in freedom thank a veteran.
For those who don't know I'm the son of a disabled veteran. My father was special operations on the ground for the USAF in Vietnam, and while he came back whole of body, I believe a deeper part of him was cracked over there, and broken many years later.
My dad is often hard to deal with, and always opinionated (much like myself,) and many people have difficulty relating to him. However, I've had many a long serious talks with him, and while I'm not going to go into specifics for fear that he would feel betrayed by what I write here, or if certain people read comments out of context they would be hurt, I want to shed some light on this wounded warrior.
I don't know specifics about what my father saw over-seas, and in all honesty I probably don't want to know. I have watched over the years the mental toll it has taken upon this man however. I've watched him go from an energetic, nothing can stop him, life loving man who was, not-a-perfect-but-none-the-less-good father and husband, into a man who is bitter, and angry at most of the world because it can't/won't adjust/accept to him, and he's bent and compromised so much for it.
My father is diagnosed with PTSD, and doesn't handle stress well. This man who once went on missions with few men, and limited supplies, and made decisions that literally were life and death (including later civilian Air Traffic Control for 16 years), now has trouble dealing with the stress involved in making a call to a company to cancel a service because they won't listen when he says to end the service and repeatedly ignore his pleas to end the service and continue to try to give a sales pitch to keep him as a customer.
There are thousands if not millions of these walking wounded who have given the best of their life for this country, and had the rest of it ruined by our callous nature and inability to bend down and help prop them up in society. Yes there is a VA that is doing it's best to help them. However, if you turn on the news and wait eventually you'll hear stories about these warriors who are stuck in molding rooms, those who are from the Vietnam War being set aside to treat those with PTSD from the current war. The reason isn't that the staff doesn't care, it's that we as a country don't.
I've talked recently to my father and he says from the care he's seeing at the VA these are isolated incidents, blown out of proportion for gain by one person or another. From our talks the VA has made leaps and bounds in the level of service they show those who seek them. However we as a society under-fund them and place a scarlet letter upon the chest of those who seek the treatment they need.
How many of us have watched someone get out of a car with disabled plates, that then walks into the store and grumbled that they didn't need that spot. I know I have, more than once. I never thought that maybe that person wears their scars on their heart. That maybe instead of a broken back, they have a broken marriage because a spouse couldn't stand one more outburst. Maybe instead of an oxygen cart they haul behind them images that those who were in their situation can't imagine. Maybe the sound of a car backfiring could trigger a flashback to something so traumatic it's been blocked out by the mind to protect the person who shares a skull with it. These people may have invisible wounds and/or physical or mental pain and really DO need that spot, even if you have to walk an extra 10 feet.
My dad would say he didn't do anything special, when the truth is he gave everything in his world. Cut him some slack.
For those who don't know I'm the son of a disabled veteran. My father was special operations on the ground for the USAF in Vietnam, and while he came back whole of body, I believe a deeper part of him was cracked over there, and broken many years later.
My dad is often hard to deal with, and always opinionated (much like myself,) and many people have difficulty relating to him. However, I've had many a long serious talks with him, and while I'm not going to go into specifics for fear that he would feel betrayed by what I write here, or if certain people read comments out of context they would be hurt, I want to shed some light on this wounded warrior.
I don't know specifics about what my father saw over-seas, and in all honesty I probably don't want to know. I have watched over the years the mental toll it has taken upon this man however. I've watched him go from an energetic, nothing can stop him, life loving man who was, not-a-perfect-but-none-the-less-good father and husband, into a man who is bitter, and angry at most of the world because it can't/won't adjust/accept to him, and he's bent and compromised so much for it.
My father is diagnosed with PTSD, and doesn't handle stress well. This man who once went on missions with few men, and limited supplies, and made decisions that literally were life and death (including later civilian Air Traffic Control for 16 years), now has trouble dealing with the stress involved in making a call to a company to cancel a service because they won't listen when he says to end the service and repeatedly ignore his pleas to end the service and continue to try to give a sales pitch to keep him as a customer.
There are thousands if not millions of these walking wounded who have given the best of their life for this country, and had the rest of it ruined by our callous nature and inability to bend down and help prop them up in society. Yes there is a VA that is doing it's best to help them. However, if you turn on the news and wait eventually you'll hear stories about these warriors who are stuck in molding rooms, those who are from the Vietnam War being set aside to treat those with PTSD from the current war. The reason isn't that the staff doesn't care, it's that we as a country don't.
I've talked recently to my father and he says from the care he's seeing at the VA these are isolated incidents, blown out of proportion for gain by one person or another. From our talks the VA has made leaps and bounds in the level of service they show those who seek them. However we as a society under-fund them and place a scarlet letter upon the chest of those who seek the treatment they need.
How many of us have watched someone get out of a car with disabled plates, that then walks into the store and grumbled that they didn't need that spot. I know I have, more than once. I never thought that maybe that person wears their scars on their heart. That maybe instead of a broken back, they have a broken marriage because a spouse couldn't stand one more outburst. Maybe instead of an oxygen cart they haul behind them images that those who were in their situation can't imagine. Maybe the sound of a car backfiring could trigger a flashback to something so traumatic it's been blocked out by the mind to protect the person who shares a skull with it. These people may have invisible wounds and/or physical or mental pain and really DO need that spot, even if you have to walk an extra 10 feet.
My dad would say he didn't do anything special, when the truth is he gave everything in his world. Cut him some slack.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Pain has no hold over me
"Do you still have pain?" This question has probably been asked of me more often by people who know me than any other in my life. You see I was born with Lumbar Schurman's Kyphosis which means that my spine and some odd curvatures in it (If you look at the spine from the side it's supposed to make an "S" shape, mine made a "C.")
For as long as I can remember I have had a sore back. At first my parent's thought I was imitating my father since he had a number of back problems from his days in the military. I finally convinced them when I was in 6th grade to take me in and that's when we found out I had LSK (my abbreviation, not a medical because I don't want to type the whole damned thing out again.) I went through a number of braces, therapies, and enough X-rays that I'm still surprised I don't glow in the dark. None of which worked for more than a short time. All the while the pain was getting worse and by the time I was in 8th grade I was in constant pain, some days better and some days worse.
In 2003 I had a spinal fusion with 2 12" titanium rods and 14 screws put in my back because I was in so much pain I could barely walk. I told the surgeon, and I wasn't being melodramatic, that if I was paralyzed from the surgery but the pain was reduced by 10% I would consider it a success. The pain has probably been reduced closer to 60% and I'm still walking, and rolling around on the floor with my son.
However yes, I still have pain, constantly. Not only in my back, but also my knees where I took so much extra shock to try to avoid taking it in my back over the years. However while I may grimace or complain about the pain, it doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. There were times before my surgery and earlier that the pain caused a vicious cycle of depression, which lead to more pain. I don't get those so much any more. This isn't because I'm tougher than I was, it's because I have a new outlook on pain.
I've learned to look at what pain has brought me in my life, which is more good than bad:
I don't write this entry to say "YEA ME! look what I overcame" but in the hopes of helping someone else who is suffering from chronic pain. Yes it hurts, yes there are times you would give anything, including your ability to walk, to make it go away. But there are better times ahead. People will be cruel, but looking back, a lot of those people are in places I wouldn't want to be now.
For as long as I can remember I have had a sore back. At first my parent's thought I was imitating my father since he had a number of back problems from his days in the military. I finally convinced them when I was in 6th grade to take me in and that's when we found out I had LSK (my abbreviation, not a medical because I don't want to type the whole damned thing out again.) I went through a number of braces, therapies, and enough X-rays that I'm still surprised I don't glow in the dark. None of which worked for more than a short time. All the while the pain was getting worse and by the time I was in 8th grade I was in constant pain, some days better and some days worse.
In 2003 I had a spinal fusion with 2 12" titanium rods and 14 screws put in my back because I was in so much pain I could barely walk. I told the surgeon, and I wasn't being melodramatic, that if I was paralyzed from the surgery but the pain was reduced by 10% I would consider it a success. The pain has probably been reduced closer to 60% and I'm still walking, and rolling around on the floor with my son.
However yes, I still have pain, constantly. Not only in my back, but also my knees where I took so much extra shock to try to avoid taking it in my back over the years. However while I may grimace or complain about the pain, it doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. There were times before my surgery and earlier that the pain caused a vicious cycle of depression, which lead to more pain. I don't get those so much any more. This isn't because I'm tougher than I was, it's because I have a new outlook on pain.
I've learned to look at what pain has brought me in my life, which is more good than bad:
- It wasn't my pain, but my wonderful wife went through hours of pain to which the end result was our beautiful son.
- My back surgery was just a few short months after my wife and I were married. I got to know her far better during that time than if I hadn't spent 3 months recovering and stuck at home.
- The pain in school left me on the outside of a lot of social circles looking in because I couldn't do a sport, or had to wear a brace. This taught me to rely on myself and allowed me to make the friends who I did have, one of which became my wife.
- Because I was in pain I spent more time sitting at a computer than playing sports. This has lead me to a hobby and career that I love, I may never be wealthy doing it, but I enjoy going to work every morning.
I don't write this entry to say "YEA ME! look what I overcame" but in the hopes of helping someone else who is suffering from chronic pain. Yes it hurts, yes there are times you would give anything, including your ability to walk, to make it go away. But there are better times ahead. People will be cruel, but looking back, a lot of those people are in places I wouldn't want to be now.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
I declare myself a whore
Today I announce I'm a whore.
I've decided that since Microsoft assumes all of their customers are criminals until the customer proves they aren't I'm doing the same. No longer will I be giving out knowledge for free, I'm a professional. To everyone who has relied upon me for Windows advice, the free ride is over. I'll still be happy to help you, but it will now cost you $20 an hour. There are no exceptions, sorry Mom, Adam, Dad, Steve, etc. I'm done supporting your habit of reinstalling an the exact same Operating System that was giving you trouble before without compensation.
I know this seems either self-centered or greedy, or both, however I've told each of you numerous times that Linux will do what you want/need it to do, is free, doesn't get virus', is more secure, and is generally faster. Yet like an addict you go back to your drug of choice. For those that even try by using dual-boot between Linux and Windows, you get free help because you're trying. I'll still support hardware issues such as a RAM upgrade, but as soon as I need to change ANYTHING in the OS is when the meter starts running.
Am I wrong for doing this? Leave a comment if you think I'm a cold-hearted bastard or I'm right on the money.
I've decided that since Microsoft assumes all of their customers are criminals until the customer proves they aren't I'm doing the same. No longer will I be giving out knowledge for free, I'm a professional. To everyone who has relied upon me for Windows advice, the free ride is over. I'll still be happy to help you, but it will now cost you $20 an hour. There are no exceptions, sorry Mom, Adam, Dad, Steve, etc. I'm done supporting your habit of reinstalling an the exact same Operating System that was giving you trouble before without compensation.
I know this seems either self-centered or greedy, or both, however I've told each of you numerous times that Linux will do what you want/need it to do, is free, doesn't get virus', is more secure, and is generally faster. Yet like an addict you go back to your drug of choice. For those that even try by using dual-boot between Linux and Windows, you get free help because you're trying. I'll still support hardware issues such as a RAM upgrade, but as soon as I need to change ANYTHING in the OS is when the meter starts running.
Am I wrong for doing this? Leave a comment if you think I'm a cold-hearted bastard or I'm right on the money.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Manual Voting: I can't quit you
I'm a geek. For those who know me personally this will be viewed as a drastic under-statement. I work in the IT sector, I run Linux instead of windows, I've been known to debate who was better Picard or Kirk (Picard,) I still have all my old D&D dice, etc etc etc.
Because of this most people are rather shocked that I refuse to use electronic voting machines. Their like a really slow video game, you put an X by someones name, and then wait FOREVER to see who won. The problem is the technology isn't mature enough to trust in one of the most important things we as citizens do for out country.
These machines provide no paper trail for the voter to verify the recorded vote matches their choices or for officials to go back to, so if a recount is ever needed (I'm looking at you Florida) there is no way to do it on these machines. Also in most models of these machines they have no battery backup, so if the power goes out 3/4 of the way through election day, well sorry everyone who voted this morning, we'll catch you next time round.
Additionally these machines appear to be going on sleepovers. They also seem to have some calibration issues but don't worry, it's easy for anyone to recalibrate them.
Lastly, these devices are all closed source, meaning that nobody except those at the company that created them is able to know exactly what is happening in there. I'm not accusing anyone of this, but hypothetically how would you know if the machine you were voting on is counting every vote for a member of party A twice and only once for members of party B not by a bug but because of programming put in at the factory? If the source-code were released every programmer on the planet could look at the code, make sure it was doing what it was supposed to , and possibly suggest fixes for the problems listed above, since the manufacturers can't seem to be bothered.
Because of this most people are rather shocked that I refuse to use electronic voting machines. Their like a really slow video game, you put an X by someones name, and then wait FOREVER to see who won. The problem is the technology isn't mature enough to trust in one of the most important things we as citizens do for out country.
These machines provide no paper trail for the voter to verify the recorded vote matches their choices or for officials to go back to, so if a recount is ever needed (I'm looking at you Florida) there is no way to do it on these machines. Also in most models of these machines they have no battery backup, so if the power goes out 3/4 of the way through election day, well sorry everyone who voted this morning, we'll catch you next time round.
Additionally these machines appear to be going on sleepovers. They also seem to have some calibration issues but don't worry, it's easy for anyone to recalibrate them.
Lastly, these devices are all closed source, meaning that nobody except those at the company that created them is able to know exactly what is happening in there. I'm not accusing anyone of this, but hypothetically how would you know if the machine you were voting on is counting every vote for a member of party A twice and only once for members of party B not by a bug but because of programming put in at the factory? If the source-code were released every programmer on the planet could look at the code, make sure it was doing what it was supposed to , and possibly suggest fixes for the problems listed above, since the manufacturers can't seem to be bothered.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Qualified to be President?
Correction: edited in 7:49 am 11/7/08: DOH! Sure I did research on President elect Obama's birth and came across the interesting tidbits about requirements to be a US citizen, and that he didn't meet them. However it seems that I missed a line in my reading that stated that those qualifications only counted for children of a US citizen who was born OUTSIDE the US. President-elect Obama was born in Hawaii 2 years after it became a state so even if neither of his parents were citizens and arrived while his mother was in labor he would have been a US citizen. End correction.
I'm surprised no one has brought this up yet, but in doing some research for my last entry I came across a few interesting facts.
First that to be qualified to be President of the United States you have to be a Natural-born citizen.
Second, from my research (and I could/probably am wrong) President Elect Obama isn't a Natural-born citizen, he's a naturalized citizen.
According to Findlaw.com from Dec 24, 1952 until Nov 13, 1986, which encompass the time that Obama was born, "If only one parent was a U.S. citizen at the time of your birth, that parent must have resided in the United States for at least 10 years, at least five of which had to be after the age of 16." After Nov 13, 1986 anyone born on US shores who's parents requested it was considered to hold dual-citizenship as their parents country and the USA. I've not found anywhere that states this was made retroactive.
Obama's father has never been a citizen of the USA and his mother was 18 when Barrack was born. This means that Obama couldn't be considered a natural born citizen because his mother wasn't 21 (16 + 5 = 21) the minimum age a mother can give birth to a citizen, thus preventing him from being a legal candidate for the Presidential office. This is also what has prevented the current Governor of CA from running for the office.
Let me make it clear, I don't want to escape President-Elect Obama on a technicality, but if it was unconstitutional for him to run and he ran anyway what is he going to do for illegal immigrants who started their life in America by breaking the law?
I'm surprised no one has brought this up yet, but in doing some research for my last entry I came across a few interesting facts.
First that to be qualified to be President of the United States you have to be a Natural-born citizen.
Second, from my research (and I could/probably am wrong) President Elect Obama isn't a Natural-born citizen, he's a naturalized citizen.
According to Findlaw.com from Dec 24, 1952 until Nov 13, 1986, which encompass the time that Obama was born, "If only one parent was a U.S. citizen at the time of your birth, that parent must have resided in the United States for at least 10 years, at least five of which had to be after the age of 16." After Nov 13, 1986 anyone born on US shores who's parents requested it was considered to hold dual-citizenship as their parents country and the USA. I've not found anywhere that states this was made retroactive.
Obama's father has never been a citizen of the USA and his mother was 18 when Barrack was born. This means that Obama couldn't be considered a natural born citizen because his mother wasn't 21 (16 + 5 = 21) the minimum age a mother can give birth to a citizen, thus preventing him from being a legal candidate for the Presidential office. This is also what has prevented the current Governor of CA from running for the office.
Let me make it clear, I don't want to escape President-Elect Obama on a technicality, but if it was unconstitutional for him to run and he ran anyway what is he going to do for illegal immigrants who started their life in America by breaking the law?
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