Pain has no hold over me

"Do you still have pain?" This question has probably been asked of me more often by people who know me than any other in my life. You see I was born with Lumbar Schurman's Kyphosis which means that my spine and some odd curvatures in it (If you look at the spine from the side it's supposed to make an "S" shape, mine made a "C.")
For as long as I can remember I have had a sore back. At first my parent's thought I was imitating my father since he had a number of back problems from his days in the military. I finally convinced them when I was in 6th grade to take me in and that's when we found out I had LSK (my abbreviation, not a medical because I don't want to type the whole damned thing out again.) I went through a number of braces, therapies, and enough X-rays that I'm still surprised I don't glow in the dark. None of which worked for more than a short time. All the while the pain was getting worse and by the time I was in 8th grade I was in constant pain, some days better and some days worse.

In 2003 I had a spinal fusion with 2 12" titanium rods and 14 screws put in my back because I was in so much pain I could barely walk. I told the surgeon, and I wasn't being melodramatic, that if I was paralyzed from the surgery but the pain was reduced by 10% I would consider it a success. The pain has probably been reduced closer to 60% and I'm still walking, and rolling around on the floor with my son.

However yes, I still have pain, constantly. Not only in my back, but also my knees where I took so much extra shock to try to avoid taking it in my back over the years. However while I may grimace or complain about the pain, it doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. There were times before my surgery and earlier that the pain caused a vicious cycle of depression, which lead to more pain. I don't get those so much any more. This isn't because I'm tougher than I was, it's because I have a new outlook on pain.

I've learned to look at what pain has brought me in my life, which is more good than bad:

• It wasn't my pain, but my wonderful wife went through hours of pain to which the end result was our beautiful son.
• My back surgery was just a few short months after my wife and I were married. I got to know her far better during that time than if I hadn't spent 3 months recovering and stuck at home.
• The pain in school left me on the outside of a lot of social circles looking in because I couldn't do a sport, or had to wear a brace. This taught me to rely on myself and allowed me to make the friends who I did have, one of which became my wife.
• Because I was in pain I spent more time sitting at a computer than playing sports. This has lead me to a hobby and career that I love, I may never be wealthy doing it, but I enjoy going to work every morning.
  

I don't welcome pain anymore than anyone else. If I can I avoid it just like any sane person. But the pain I do have is mine and it keeps me going. Look at all the wonderful things it's given me so far. I can't wait to see what else I accomplish despite it.

I don't write this entry to say "YEA ME! look what I overcame" but in the hopes of helping someone else who is suffering from chronic pain. Yes it hurts, yes there are times you would give anything, including your ability to walk, to make it go away. But there are better times ahead. People will be cruel, but looking back, a lot of those people are in places I wouldn't want to be now.