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Recently a few people have expressed concern because I was talking more about my atheism and they worried that I might upset my brother, or that I was basically being like a petulant teenager and lashing out against religion to get attention since he was going the other way. That’s not the case, this posting is going to be my reaction to those comments, and maybe a way to explain myself better than I have previously.
I obviously was raised in a religiously divided home, my mother was Roman Catholic, and my father always stated his dogtags said NRP (No Religious Preference). Dad didn’t dislike religion, in fact he encouraged Adam and I to try and embrace it, so that we had the added strength to fallback upon. However, honestly as far back as I can remember I questioned religion and what I was taught in Sunday school and CCD. I tried to be the good church going boy to please the family, I even was an alter boy a few times, but it just never stuck for me.
In High School and some college I started to branch out and explore other religions, I went to church with a few different friends and family, including Lutherans, Mormon’s, and Jewish services. I read a number of religious tombs cover to cover including the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Quran, and a number of Zen (Buddhism) texts. During this time I also started to get more serious with Heather, and going to church (Catholic, same church I went to as a child) with her mostly because it was another way to spend time with her. It also didn’t hurt that it helped me get in good graces with her mom (Hi Marilyn.) Nothing seemed to feel like more than nice stories to me, nothing had a ring of truth.
Heather and I had a number of talks, and like my father, I decided that I had no religious preference (at the time I was calling myself Agnostic with Catholic leanings) but that I wanted to try and raise any children we had together Catholic so they could gain the strength and support that I’ve seen others get from faith.
Somewhere between there and last Summer I slipped from Agnostic to Atheist, but I didn’t voice it much simply because I was still unsure of myself when it came to this topic (look how often I’d changed) and because I didn’t want to hurt those close to me.
However when Adam joined the Seminary I started to really question my faith, and wonder, since others are so proud of what they believe, and if this truly IS what I believe than why should I have any more shame for my beliefs, or hide them any more than those with faith who claim something different?
I am not the type of Atheist who feels I must disprove religion to everyone else. I still hope Alex grows up and into SOME form of faith. If it’s Catholic great, if it’s Buddhist great, if he becomes at least the 3rd generation of James males without faith so be it, he’s my son and I’ll love him if he decides he wants to worship a tomato plant.
All this said, I still consider myself open minded. If as Adam puts it, I get touched by God tomorrow, then I’ll take religion more to heart and embrace faith. I will always respect the good that religions of the world do, while shaking my head at the destruction done in their names. I will always respect and defend others rights to their beliefs, all I ask is that you respect my beliefs. I won’t try to convert you if you don’t try to convert me, deal?
