Married to Hate

A high school classmate of mine recently committed to the love of her life. Unfortunately for them, since that love is also a woman the state of Wisconsin decided not to allow them to get married. Instead these two celebrated a Domestic Partnership.

Not only can Stephanie and Alyschia not get married in Wisconsin, but Wisconsin is one of only two states (Delaware is the other) that makes it illegal for them to get married in another state to bypass their state of residences marriage laws. Under 765.30(1)(a) of the Wisconsin Code, if these two lovely ladies decided to go to Iowa and get married, if they decided to continue living in Wisconsin, the state would not only ignore their legally obtained marriage certificate, but could also choose to fine them (each) $10,000 and put them in jail for 9 months.


People that are against gay marriage are on the same side of history as those that opposed interracial marriage, desegregation of school, and anti-suffrage movements. Hate always loses in the end.

I have yet to hear an argument against gay marriage that doesn't center around religion. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but when your beliefs start to impinge on others, that's when I have a problem with it.

New Facebook

NOTE: If you're reading this post on Facebook, it is copied automatically from my blog at Down The Digital Trail some things I'd censor more on Facebook may be said less diplomatically because my blog is where I vent.

Everyone today has been bitching about the changes to Facebook and comparing it to Microsoft. Don't get me wrong, I despise Microsoft's business practices, and most everything they do, but this isn't a fair comparison when you look at their business and customer base.

The end user is MS's customer. They have to keep the end user in mind at all times when they make changes to their products. If a user doesn't like a change and decides to stop buying Microsoft products, or computers with MS products on them, MS stops getting money.

Alternately end users are a commodity for Facebook (and Google). Their business is to collect data their users enter through various channels and sell it to other companies either for market research, direct advertising, or for other reasons. If any and all changes FB makes are getting you to put in more data, and more valuable data for their customers. If making a change causes them to sacrifice a small number of users, but allows them to get more valuable data, it's a net win for them. (Yes I am aware there is a point where they could have too small a number of users to be valuable to their customers, but we're no where NEAR that threshold.)

This post isn't to tell people to stop complaining, or just roll over and "enjoy it" if you don't like the changes, by all means speak with your digital feet and go somewhere else. However, you have to know what the business of the service you're using is, and weigh the benefits you get out of the service against the sale of your data and the way they collect it.

Instead of comparing FB to MS, a better company to compare them to would be a TV station. They sell ads, and they gather data in the form of ratings to say what your watching, and what you buy. If a show isn't generating ads, or getting the viewers the advertisers on that show want, the station must, and will change the show.

What is Google+

Note: for those reading this on Facebook, I have a link in FB that automatically copies any and ALL blog posts over to FB notes, this includes technical, personal, funny , geeky whatever. If you’d rather not see my blog posts in your feed let me know and I can specifically block you from seeing just the notes. Here's a link to my blog if you'd rather read over there.

OK, by now if you spend any time on-line you know that Google just rolled out Google+. But what is it, and do you need it?

Google+ is basically Google's (3rd) attempt at creating a social network (basically Google's Facebook.)

In my opinion it's a better version of Facebook. You can put your friends in "circles" (and a friend can be in more than one circle) and then you can post status updates to specific circles. So if I want to make a geeky Linux related post that I know my Aunt couldn't care two rips about I could post it to my geek circle and not my family circle.

While the circles are good at letting you target who is seeing what, I do worry that this will create social insulation for some. My Mother for example may think that I have no social life if all I do is post about my son, when really she's just in my family circle and not seeing the posts about the drunken debauchery that I get into every weekend....

I've also been asked about the privacy issue. Facebook is known for being less than stellar about your privacy, and while the circles at least give the illusion of letting you keep messages to a private circle, remember that Google is in the business of gathering and categorizing data. Everything you post in Google+ is ultimately going to be used to target ads to you. Google has a fairly strong history of anonymizing data, but remember they already know where you are if you use an Android cell phone, have all your e-mail if you use Gmail, know what you're looking up if you use them for search, know what you look like if you use Picasa and so forth and so on.

Google+ has a very nice app, as you'd expect, on Android phones (that's all I have access too, no idea what it's like on the iphone) but I tend to use it mostly on my computer. I found a great plug-in for my chrome browser called Google+ Ultimate that lets me bring my twitter and Facebook feeds within G+, giving me a central location for all my social networks (although private FB mail can't be viewed through it, yet)

All that being said, I think this will ultimately be THE social network everyone uses. After all it's google, their mission statement is "Do no Evil" how can you go wrong with that?

That said if you want an invite to Google+ let me know what e-mail address to send it to.

Needing advice

Note: for those reading this on Facebook, I have a link in FB that automatically copies any and ALL blog posts over to FB notes, this includes technical, personal, funny , geeky whatever. If you’d rather not see my blog posts in your feed let me know and I can specifically block you from seeing just the notes. Here's a link to my blog if you'd rather read over there.

OK this happened a lot sooner than I was expecting and I need advice. Alex and I were driving back from somewhere and he asked me if God and Jesus were real. I've made it fairly obvious my stance on these issues recently, but I do want to try to raise him to share the same faith as Heather, at least until he is old enough to make the choice for himself.

I tried to avoid the question and basically said that lots of people believe they are, and I told him that Jesus lived a long time ago. I wasn't prepared this time, and I want to be next time. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Follow-up to my coming out of the closet (as an Atheist)

Note: for those reading this on Facebook, I have a link in FB that automatically copies any and ALL blog posts over to FB notes, this includes technical, personal, funny , geeky whatever. If you’d rather not see my blog posts in your feed let me know and I can specifically block you from seeing just the notes.

Recently a few people have expressed concern because I was talking more about my atheism and they worried that I might upset my brother, or that I was basically being like a petulant teenager and lashing out against religion to get attention since he was going the other way. That’s not the case, this posting is going to be my reaction to those comments, and maybe a way to explain myself better than I have previously.

I obviously was raised in a religiously divided home, my mother was Roman Catholic, and my father always stated his dogtags said NRP (No Religious Preference). Dad didn’t dislike religion, in fact he encouraged Adam and I to try and embrace it, so that we had the added strength to fallback upon. However, honestly as far back as I can remember I questioned religion and what I was taught in Sunday school and CCD. I tried to be the good church going boy to please the family, I even was an alter boy a few times, but it just never stuck for me.

In High School and some college I started to branch out and explore other religions, I went to church with a few different friends and family, including Lutherans, Mormon’s, and Jewish services. I read a number of religious tombs cover to cover including the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Quran, and a number of Zen (Buddhism) texts. During this time I also started to get more serious with Heather, and going to church (Catholic, same church I went to as a child) with her mostly because it was another way to spend time with her. It also didn’t hurt that it helped me get in good graces with her mom (Hi Marilyn.) Nothing seemed to feel like more than nice stories to me, nothing had a ring of truth.

Heather and I had a number of talks, and like my father, I decided that I had no religious preference (at the time I was calling myself Agnostic with Catholic leanings) but that I wanted to try and raise any children we had together Catholic so they could gain the strength and support that I’ve seen others get from faith.

Somewhere between there and last Summer I slipped from Agnostic to Atheist, but I didn’t voice it much simply because I was still unsure of myself when it came to this topic (look how often I’d changed) and because I didn’t want to hurt those close to me.

However when Adam joined the Seminary I started to really question my faith, and wonder, since others are so proud of what they believe, and if this truly IS what I believe than why should I have any more shame for my beliefs, or hide them any more than those with faith who claim something different?

I am not the type of Atheist who feels I must disprove religion to everyone else. I still hope Alex grows up and into SOME form of faith. If it’s Catholic great, if it’s Buddhist great, if he becomes at least the 3^rd generation of James males without faith so be it, he’s my son and I’ll love him if he decides he wants to worship a tomato plant.

All this said, I still consider myself open minded. If as Adam puts it, I get touched by God tomorrow, then I’ll take religion more to heart and embrace faith. I will always respect the good that religions of the world do, while shaking my head at the destruction done in their names. I will always respect and defend others rights to their beliefs, all I ask is that you respect my beliefs. I won’t try to convert you if you don’t try to convert me, deal?

The Atheist and the Priest

I've long had different religious beliefs than I was raised with. I was raised in a Catholic household and tried to be one, but it just never took. I used to say "I'm Agnostic at best or an Atheist at worst", but even that was to soften what I am for my family.

Today I'm basically coming all the way out of the religious closet. I am an Atheist. I've mentioned it to a few people recently, who seem to think that because of the way some Atheists try to constantly disprove religion that my brother and I would constantly be at odds. (For those who don't know my brother is studying to be a Catholic Priest, read his blog here.) I am nothing but proud of Adam. I don't agree with his beliefs, but I am exceptionally proud of the humanitarian things he's done, and the people he will help in his calling.

Just like the vast minority of Priests would never dream of abusing children, the Atheists that are obnoxious about proving everything religions do wrong are in my opinion a minority, and certainly do not represent all of us.

I will certainly continue going to church with Heather, for her and for Alex. I will go to services for Adam if I'm invited. I'm still debating how much I'll participate in the service however. I have had a brief talk with Adam, and as an Atheist my understanding is even though I took First Communion as a child, I am no longer supposed to take it. However, I worry about Alex when he reaches a point to notice that I'm not taking it. Is it better to then explain to him that I believe in other things and therefore choose not to to take communion, or should I "play the part" until he's old enough to have a serious discussion and make up his old mind?

Why I post

I made one of those vague, dramatic Facebook posts that we all see occasionally. I've never minded them because I figure the person posting them needed an outlet for venting and rather than screaming on the streets they decided to scream into cyberspace.

I didn't realize that there's a sub-set of the on-line population who apparently has to know the meaning behind every single post that scrolls across their twitter feed, or their facebook wall. Here's a hint, if you're one of those people, unfollow me. I don't post for anyones benefit but my own.

Just like the guy that first finds out he's going to be a new dad, when I'm happy I want to tell everyone my good news and may spout randomly to the world about my good fortune.

On the other hand, when a demon from my past that I thought I had, if not outright destroyed, at least beaten into submission and locked away for good is revealed to be on the lose then I'm going to bellow in rage at the world.

Some people will likely see this post targeting them because of the responses made on facebook. While it is asking them to reconsider how that person views vague posts, it's really pointed at everyone who THOUGHT how much they hate those vague posts. The vague post may not be a call for attention, it might simply be an outlet to rage at the world rather than screaming in the streets at 3 o'clock in the morning and getting arrested.